What You Can Control (and What You Can’t)

Calm in the Storm by Astraea

There’s a familiar bit of advice we’ve all heard at some point: “Don’t worry about what you can’t control.”

It’s probably well-intentioned. But honestly? It can feel a little hollow.

Because sometimes the things we can’t control are the ones that break our hearts. The diagnosis. The betrayal. The system. The accident. The slow unraveling of something we tried so hard to hold together. These aren’t small things—they’re life-altering.

So maybe the goal isn’t to pretend we don’t care about what’s out of our hands. Maybe the real challenge is learning to hold that truth gently:

There’s a difference between caring and controlling.

What You Can’t Control (But Might Try Anyway):

• What others think or say about you. You can’t reach into someone else’s mind. You can only be yourself with integrity.

• The past. Regret is real—but no amount of rehashing rewrites the script. All you can do is carry what you’ve learned.

• How someone else heals (or doesn’t). You can love someone through their pain, but you can’t do their healing for them.

• How the world responds to your kindness. Sometimes you’ll give your best, and it won’t be seen, understood, or returned.

• The noise. The chaos. The machine. Systems are often larger than individuals. But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless.

What You Can Control (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like Much):

• Your response. Not the first feeling maybe—but the second. The one you breathe through and choose with intention.

• Your words. You can be the person who speaks gently in a room of shouting.

• Your boundaries. What you allow in. What you refuse to carry anymore. What you walk away from.

• Your effort. It might not yield what you want. But showing up anyway is a radical act.

• Your values. What you stand for when it would be easier not to. That’s your compass.

• Your presence. With the people who matter. With yourself.

• Your creative spark. What you make—art, food, change, space, comfort—comes from you. And it matters.

You’re Not Powerless. You’re Human.

Being okay with what you can’t control doesn’t mean you have to like it. It just means you don’t have to break yourself trying to fix the unfixable.

It means you get to direct your strength somewhere it counts. Somewhere it builds something. Even if it’s just peace inside your own heart.

Some days, you’ll feel strong. Some days, you’ll feel like a leaf in a storm. That’s okay. That’s real. But remember:

Peace isn’t about avoiding the storm. It’s about standing in it without losing yourself.